It's been about a month...

Yep. It's been a month since I've blogged. I'm okay with that.

It's been a busy month. A crazy month. A messy month. A "how-am-I-ever-gonna-get-through-all-of-this" kinda month. A really great month!

There are so many changes either happened, happening, or will be happening and it's all so scary and exciting. There are three things keep me grounded.

God.
Kid.
Girls.

Really. Yes...that's my list! heh.

I have a GREAT God who is walking right next to me.

I have a GREAT kid who is working his tail off to learn his own way.

I have GREAT girls, including my family girls, who will just let me melt down. Build me up. Help me when I'm in a jam. Laugh with me. Share their joys with me. Let me walk alongside them. Allow me time to process. Allow me to cry. Let me be completely stupid and crazy. And take me to see the Rocky Mountains on my birthday. I have really great friends!

So, in this moment, in this season - I am holding on tight to my Daddy God. Remembering his unfailing love. Remembering my desire and heart to be constant in Him. Remembering His goodness.

Changes are comin!

Yikes! It's time for my 5 minute Friday post and I haven't had time to post a thing all week. 

In this, I shall remain constant - I pray. =]

I'm moving, y'all! It's sudden, unexpected, and scary. At the same time, it's exciting, refreshing, and necessary! Have you ever had a week or two feeling every emotion possible? 

That's where I've been for the last 10 days or so. 

Scared - yep. Worried - yep. Unsure - yep. Wondering - yep. Failure - yep. 

Even with His love, His care, His compassion - I am human. I am flesh. And I have my moments of doubt. 

It's hard to admit that, but it's true!

Why am I in this position? Why does He not love me enough? Why am I not good enough to enjoy a peaceful life? Why, why, why?

Well, because there is something WAY bigger than I can even see happening here. After a couple days of sheer panic, lots of tears, and just talking it out - I'm at peace. Total complete peace. 

Ephesians 3:20-21 (ESV)

²⁰ Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, ²¹ to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

I have 5 minutes here, folks! I *will* go deeper into this feeling - but I gots 5 minutes, y'all!

This aching heart... - 5 Minute Friday

If I said to you, "do you ever feel Jesus pain?" You'd think I was crazy... I mean who *feels* Jesus pain?

Let's me explain during my 5 minutes for this Friday.

As I grow closer to Christ, my relationship with Him deepens. I have joy overflowing, but I also have sorrow overflowing. The things I see, hear, witness, etc... are heartbreaking. There are things that I can do *nothing* about. We cannot make anyone else understand what the love of a Holy, Omnipotent, Loving Savior feels like. It's an experience that person has to feel all on her own.

As I was driving home yesterday, my heart soft, as it seems to be all the time now... All I could think about is this...

If this feeling, pain, angst, sorrow, undoneness is how *I* feel - how then must Jesus have felt as He walked this earth. How then must God feel every.single.day when we fail Him over and over and over again.

I don't have any answers. No challenges. No words of wisdom for how not to feel this way.

I'm only being transparent.

This is how I feel.

Joyful and sad. Happy and broken. Full of tears in one moment and praising Him all the same.

When I stop feeling this way - I've lost who God has called me to be. 

This is right where I'm supposed to be and God will grow me here. Right here.

This is the hard eucharisteo. It makes sense now.

Failure is not my Middle Name!

As parents, we fail. Often.

We are broken people.

Failing my boy is one of the worst pains I've ever felt. Knowing that I've gotten in his way or not prepared him well is devastating.

From the simplest of things – like not showing him where the emergency brake is on the car and thus he fails the driving test – or to the largest of things like not knowing how to fully trust God’s timing.

Because of my relationship with Christ, I can see things as a minor setback and know that God will make it right in His time.

My boy – not so much. He doesn't get it.

I get that.

He sees failure. I see patience. He sees regret. I see lessons. He sees anger. I see grace.

My walk with Jesus is not the same as his walk. My journey began when I was 32 and he had already lived more life than any 10 year old should have lived. I failed him.

Though, we are not doomed to be failures. Failure is a lack of success. In Christ, all things are made new. Each day is a new beginning. In Christ, we find success.

Trying to teach this concept to someone who knows and understands the simple truths of God, but doesn't understand how big our God is, is hard. Real hard.

Ephesians 3:20-21 (ESV) 20 Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, 21 to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

Each day, when a failure smacks me dead in the face, I cling to that verse. Yep – I failed. But, I serve a big, huge, mighty God and He is Able! He’s able to go beyond my beyond and way past anything we can ever think to imagine.

Don’t ever begin to think you are a failure. You’re not! God didn't make any mistakes! If we fail at something, we do better next time. Remember that God’s timing is perfect! 

Bookmarks - homemade!

Last weekend, we had a spring ladies retreat. I'm still soft from it. It was that good. That exhausting. That special. I learned many things during the planning process, and I'll likely share those things in another post, at another date - for no other reason except to let other women's leaders know what I learned and what I'd do differently next time. I could have done quite a few things differently...

One thing I would not do differently, though, is making these bookmarks! I have a secret love for bookmarks. I have an especially secret love for one bookmark that can hold three or more places at once. You know when you're doing a study or in church and you're flipping back and forth, forward and back... I need that kind of bookmark!

Here is the whole mess of supplies I had picked for various projects. For the bookmark, I used the beads, the hemp cording, and a bit of glue. Oh, and scissors. Let me show you, step by step, how I made them. =]



I used my large bible as a measuring tool for the length of the cording. Because we'll be tying some knots in the process of making it, we need it to be a little longer to accommodate for the knots. Cut an equal length of cording choosing different colors or all the same - totally up to you!

Next, I took the three cords and tied them into a knot, and then added a large bead. On each of the cords, I added a small bead, and then tied a small knot under each of them to hold it all in place. 

This is what it looked like once I had the top finished. At this point, I put it back in my bible to determine where the beads along the bottom should be. Once I found the correct length, I tied a small knot in each cord. We don't want the beads to move from the places we want them to remain - hence the knots shown below.

Near the knots, you want to add a small bead, that won't fall over the knot. After that, add the beads in any order you choose. I've never done anything like this bookmark, and I'm sure there's a technique I should have followed, but hey... I dance to the beat of my own drum over here! 

When you're done... you'll have some rendition of this... and you'll like it. Because you made it. And if you make a lot, to share with friends, your fingers will hurt. And be sore. It's worth it. 

Oh, the glue. You don't HAVE to use it... I just tipped the big knots, at the top of the bookmark, to ensure they wouldn't come apart. Totally up to you whether or not you want to do it.

My oil cleansing method

Do you have a Mark Kay rep or an Avon rep? Me either! This is probably for two reasons. My first reason was always financial. I just didn't have the money to spend on expensive products that likely still wouldn't work to help with my specific issues. My second reason is because I don't want one! haha

As a teen, I didn't really struggle with acne. On occasion I did, but not often enough for it to cause me any major concern. However, once I became an adult, it all changed. I know when I was younger, much of it was diet related, then hormone related, then I don't know what... just a mess.

Let me preface what I'm about to say with this - hormones are gonna do what hormones do. If we are experiencing a breakout on our face because of hormones, that most likely will not change. Also, check out this handy face map which will help to determine why you're breaking out in certain areas and how to fix it! This explanation has helped me so much to determine what my body is trying to tell me.

I know this for sure... the answer is NOT to keep putting chemicals on our faces in an effort to clean our faces. Make sense? We are piling up more "stuff" onto "stuff" that's already there. We need to really clean our faces.

Okay, let me share how this all started. A few years ago, I learned that olive oil could be used to removed stubborn eye makeup. You know, we love our waterproof mascara, but it could literally stay on for days, unless we used a makeup remover, which is just one more product, one more expense, one more thing on the counter...

With a small piece of tissue, apply a bit of olive oil and just clean your eye makeup off. Pull your lashes between the tissue and viola... all gone. Easy right? And inexpensive.

I talked about this with friends and wondered what else olive oil could do that I didn't know about! That's when I was introduced to the oil cleansing method.

My method is different from her method and I've never really tried her method, so I don't know which one is better. I'll share how I do mine and you can decide if you'd like to try hers, mine, a combination, neither, either, whatever you want. No pressure. I'll still like you. =]

When I cleanse my face with oil, which I do every morning, it really is like a mini-facial and a time of just plain old feelin good. When I miss a couple days, like I did last week because I was out of town, my face rebels. This part of my routine is different from the method I linked above as she references not to do it daily. I do. And when I don't, the whole world can tell. =]~

Here is my simple method. I have this bottle in my bathroom:

I fill it about 1/4 of the way with olive oil. That's it. That's my entire facial regimen. In one bottle. One thing on my counter. One thing on my face. All natural olive oil. Easy, right?

Let me add... it's important to get GOOD olive oil. Don't opt for the cheap stuff. Spend the extra bucks. Your face will thank you and so will your food. Let's face it, the olive oil serves double duty in my house. =]

Here we go: First, wash your hands! Do you realize how often we go in to do a whole face regimen and we haven't even washed our hands?! Use warm water to soak your face. Pour a good amount of oil into your palm, think quarter sized. Rub your hands together, and then apply the oil to your face. Mine begins on my cheeks, then up the sides to my forehead area, then back down to my nose, and finally, my chin and neck. And don't forget your lips! I will just continue to massage the oil into my face because it just feels good. Period. Really, you want to work the oil into your skin and pores. Continue to work it in for as long as you'd like. Sometimes I do mine for about 30 seconds, sometimes it's for 5 minutes. It just depends on my mood, my stress level, whether or not I slept well, etc...

Once I have the oil all massaged in, I turn my water to the hottest temp it will go. I wet a washcloth under the hot water, wring out the excess, and then hold it to my face. I don't rub or scrub. I just hold it there. Applying pressure to different areas of my face. I rinse out the cloth and then do it again. I will repeat this step a few times until I feel like my face is all cleaned of the junk and crud. Pat dry.

That's it. That's all I do. I don't apply moisturizer. I don't apply skin firmers, creams, and other stuff. A friend said to me the other day, "well, that is how they did it in Jesus' day!" And that was enough confirmation for me! I wash my face like Jesus did! =]~

I've also heard about a honey cleansing method, but I haven't tried that yet. I'm pretty content where I'm at with this method.

Let me know what you think! 

Antique shopping in northern Virginia

I had the chance to hang out with two great chickies AND explore the world of antiques at the same time. I'm not typically an antiques buyer because, let's be real, it can be crazy expensive! That doesn't mean I don't enjoy looking at all the neat stuff, though!

And the antique shops we visited also had some hand-crafted items along with the antiques they sell.

On a Whim was the first place we stopped. They had some beautiful items. I literally couldn't afford to even look at the price tag for most of it! haha... They did have an awesome pink, polka-dotted silo outside, thought and that was the best part for me! heh


There was also a pink, polka-dotted cow! It was so cute!





The second place we stopped at was Old Lucketts Store. I'm pretty sure a little part of me died and went straight to heaven. This store was amazing and HUGE! This store had a wide variety of antique items, but they also had a huge amount of hand-crafted items. My big buy here was a few boxes of girl scout cookies being sold out on the porch, but hey, I didn't walk away empty handed! haha!




At the Old Luckett Store, they do a design house every month or so and design a house on the property with all sort of great finds. That's where I saw this beauty.

They had a room set up as an old study or something and this amazing cabinet was in it. It was just gorgeous. I have no idea how much it was. I do know that it was huge and beautiful.










Also in the design house, the designer had a bedroom with a sitting area that was probably one of the most beautiful settings I've ever seen. I think it made me want to have her some design my house one day! heh.




And, finally, at Old Lucketts Store, some hand-crafted these beautiful metal hearts. I would love to go back and purchase a few of them to use in a room design. They were so simple, yet absolutely stunning in their simplicity.






If you're in NoVA, and you have the chance to go to either of these store, you should go. Now. Well, unless you're reading this at midnight. =]

Don't beat yourself up!

Ladies, why are there days we feel so inadequate? Or that we are just being lazy? Haven't done a thing all day?

I had this moment today. Thinking about how I haven't done anything of real value or worth - I'm in sweatpants for goodness sakes! How can anyone do anything worthy while still wearing sweats?! =]

So, for those of you reading, when you've spent the day inside doing nothing oh except for... laundry, kitchen cleaning, bathroom cleaning, vacuuming floors, coloring hair, showering, rides back and forth to various things for your kid(s), brushed your pets, prepared dinner menus and grocery lists, a little pinning, a little blogging, and some craft time. Some bible studying and retreat planning, a nice phone call with someone you love, and a nap...

And you haven't even had dinner yet - you're doing just fine.

Do not beat yourself up. It's all fine.

You're not lazy.

Most of my day has been in this little space. It's okay. 

Go get 'em, tiger! Rawr!

Proof of His Love challenge!

This post has been writing itself, in my head, for months. My closest friends know that I’ve been struggling lately. With what, I’m not entirely sure. I’ve been calling it broken heartedness.

I prayed some time ago for Jesus to break my heart with what breaks His heart. Since then, I’ve been walking around broken hearted. Shocking, right?! I have a friend who prayed once (I’m totally paraphrasing) about our lack of suffering and, in comparison, not only to Jesus, but many others in this world, we have no idea what it means to suffer. She asked for suffering?! I didn’t understand it when she first told me years ago – I understand now.

When I think about narcissistic people, I think of the world. I think of people who don’t know Jesus and, therefore, don’t know the true love, compassion, humility of Christ. I think of a mental disorder. I think of crazy, mass killings with no cause or reason. I think of horrific crimes as seen on TV police dramas… I think of all things “bad.”

I don’t think of Christians.

I don’t think of me.

When I think of greed, I think of those who have too much and give very little. I think of those who always want bigger, better, more. I think of people who will do anything to meet their needs. I think of people who will use, abuse, and throw away those who don’t fit into their pretty package of life.

I don’t think of Christians.

I don’t think of me.

Dumb.

I’m finding, more often than I’d ever like to admit, that we live in a world of narcissistic and greedy people – regardless of a relationship had or not had with Christ.

“If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it.” ― Stephen Colbert

Wow. Yes!

Wikipedia describes narcissism this way: “is a generalized personality trait characterized by egotism, vanity, conceit, or selfishness. Narcissism is usually considered a problem in a person or group's relationships with self and others.”

David Thomas, PhD, suggests that narcissists typically display most, and sometimes all, of the following traits:
·         An obvious self-focus in interpersonal exchanges
·         Problems in sustaining satisfying relationships
·         A lack of psychological awareness
·         Difficulty with empathy
·         Problems distinguishing the self from others
·         Hypersensitivity to any insults or imagined insults
·         Vulnerability to shame rather than guilt
·         Haughty body language
·         Flattery towards people who admire and affirm them
·         Detesting those who do not admire them
·         Using other people without considering the cost of doing so
·         Pretending to be more important than they really are
·         Bragging (subtly but persistently) and exaggerating their achievements
·         Claiming to be an "expert" at many things
·         Inability to view the world from the perspective of other people
·         Denial of remorse and gratitude

As followers of Christ, and finding new life in Christ, are we not supposed to clothe ourselves in compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience? Forgive one another as Christ forgave us? Over all these things, aren’t we to love?

We LOVE. That’s our calling. We love Him, and because of that love for Him, we love others. Period. We love struggling couples, we love new moms, we love those without a home, we love those who break the law, we love those who are not kind, we love the unloveable, and we care for those who are in need! Without love, there is nothing.

I would like to think greed and selfishness are only in people who don’t know Jesus, but it just wouldn’t be true. There are greedy people in this world who proclaim the love of Christ.  It’s our sinful nature. In Colossians 3 we are reminded of how we used to be, as non-believers. But we are also told, beginning in verse 12, who we are now and how we should behave with Christ in our heart.

Remember that time we felt hopeless, lonely, burdened. Yet someone came alongside to offer a lending hand. That’s what we should think about when looking at others who *need* us.

I have a passion for wounded people. For unjust things. We’ve discussed this in previous posts. I think it’s just starting to come full circle for me.

I’m tired.

I’m tired of seeing, hearing, watching people do little or nothing to love others. I’m sick when I see someone pleading for a little compassion and that person is just ignored, passed by, unacknowledged. Unloved. Rudeness shown to them, no empathy, a missed opportunity. Of course, these are not things I see all the time, but I do see it way more than I’d like. I can only state what I see and feel.

I’m not saying this to pretend that I’m perfect or that I’m above all this – I’m NOT! I have that flesh desire, the sinful nature, the yearning to be selfish right into the core of who I am. But what I really want to see is that we all, together, strive to be better than our flesh. A longing to fulfill the mission the Jesus started. The desire to fulfill our responsibility to Him. I mean, come on, the Man died for us! The least we can do is our best for Him.

Our actions speak volumes to other people. Love takes sacrifice. We sacrifice our time, money, comfort, space, etc… It doesn’t matter if you say you love – it matters if you show you love.

How are we supposed to show the love of Christ and the truth of His word to people who don’t believe when we are too concerned with ourselves?

IT ISN’T ABOUT US!

Following all the rules is great, but if there hasn’t been a heart change, directly from Jesus, then what’s the point?

So what is my argument in all of this?

I just want to see more love. More compassion. More empathy. More of a willingness to help. I want people to know about Christ’s love because they see it in us and they want to know more about it. I want to hurt more if it means someone else can hurt less.

I want to see a less narcissistic, less greedy society. I want to see lovers of God to stand in the gap for Him when needed. Lend a helping hand when given a chance. Do what’s right, not what’s comfortable. Do what needs to be done, not dependent on what’s in it for us. 

I want for us to be the person that people admire, not because of who we are, but because of Him in us.

Can we do this together? Will you hold me accountable? Will you ensure that my love is always constant? Will you help me to always be sure that His desire is way more important than my own?

I’ll help you, if you help me. I’ll help you even if you don’t help me. =]

(based on Bible Verses: 1 Cor. 13: 1-3 as spoken by For King & Country in their song, Proof of Your Love)

If I can speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy

But I don't love; I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate

If I speak God's word with power, revealing all His mysteries

And making everything as plain as day

And if I say to a mountain jump and it jumps

But I don't love, I'm nothing

If I give all I own to the poor

Or if I even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr

But I don't have love, I've gotten nowhere

So, no matter what we say, no matter what we believe, no matter what we do

We're bankrupt without love.

February 4 Joy Dare

February 4 Joy Dare - Three gifts found when bent down.

Kisses and reading time with Nicole. When I returned home this evening, Nicole's momma was doing her reading lesson with her. I wanted to give momma a break and spend some time with Nicole, so I bent to kiss her head and went through her reading lesson with her. Highlight of my day. 

Lost toys found. Do you have cats? No? Yes? Well, if you do then you know that cat toys are always missing. Cats aren't like dogs. They don't gnaw on toys until they are worn out. No. They pick up their toys and throw them around and push them underneath anything that will suck them in. When I came to my room, I found a long lost cat toy on my floor. No idea where it came from, but I know my Tiki is happy to have it back!

The yarn basket. My yarn supply has grown and emptied. I bent over tonight to go through my inventory to see if there were any projects waiting to be started and I have nothing! This is both good and bad. It's good because I've used up my yarn. It's bad because I have to go buy more! I need a yarn credit. haha. 

Are you doing the Joy Dare work with me? How's it going for you? I'd love to know. =]

January 30 and 31 Joy Dares

January 30 Joy Dare - 3 old things seen new.

My car. Let me explain. My car and I have not always been friendly. I've even been quite mad at it sometimes. However, I'm so grateful that my car, with 183,000 miles, is still chuggin along for me. I drive between 80-100 miles on a normal day and even more when I have errands and such to run. It was a little quirky for a while, but it seems to have healed itself to some degree in order to let me continue to stack the miles on. I pray I can make it last another year or so, if not longer!

My boy and his manners. You know that moment when you just know something is different and you're able to recognize it. I've noticed, in the last couple of months, anywhere and everywhere I drive my son, ends with a thank you. Even if I'm picking him up from work, dropping him off at work - simple tasks that all moms do. He will seek me out to thank me, in case he forgot as we were getting out of the car. He was always mostly polite, but lost some of his touch during his mid-teen years - thank yous became hit or miss, depending mostly on the mood.  They've returned, full-force, and it makes my heart happy.

Me. I can hardly begin to understand God's grace, mercy, forgiveness, love... yet, here I am. Forgiven. Loved. He has made me new. He has washed me clean. He has given me a heart that breaks for Him. A heart that seeks Him. He has redeemed this old gal.

January 31 Joy Dare - A gift on paper, in a person, in a picture.

This paper greets me each morning as I sit at my desk. Nothing fancy. Just a piece of paper. Gentle reminder. My Jesus. 

Nicole. One of the things I love most about my day is snuggle time with Nicole. Hardly a night goes by that she doesn't jump into my lap and tell me about her day. She brings me joy. 

My heart longs for this place. This nation. One day, I will walk amidst these trees. Love the people. Share the gospel. 

January 29 Joy Dare

January 29 Joy Dare – A song heard, a soft word, light seen.

Have you noticed my absence? Perhaps not. It’s okay, I’m not too heartbroken. =]

I had a little mini-vacation last week! And while it was mini, prepping for it and recouping from it to dive right back into my regular schedule was pretty hectic.

I did my Joy Dares throughout the week, and I am not going to feel one bit guilty about not noting them here. It takes time for that, and I just don’t have that today. So, I’ll pick up with today's Joy Dares and let you all sit in wonder about last week! =]~

A song heard – Jamie Grace’s Holding On. It melts my heart every.time.I.hear.it.

If only I can fight just a little longer

I know I’ll be stronger

A soft word – mama. My dear friend’s son, calling out her name, through his sniffles. It was a sweet sound this morning.

Light seen – The sunrise this morning was absolutely incredible. Yesterday we had an icy start to the morning, most commuters running behind or staying home all together. This morning, walking out the door, it was an amazing 48 degrees and it just felt beautiful. Watching half the sky covered in clouds and the other half preparing the way for the coming sun was just breathtaking. 

Constantly moving... hopefully, forward.

I stirred through the night, wrestling with my thoughts. Prayed all the way to work, trying to make sense of the things in my mind. I was baffled. Isn't is amazing when the Holy Spirit prompts something we weren't expecting?

Ready for my head trip? Probably not. It's super spooky in there. 

Why am I always searching for approval? Someone to make me feel legitimate? I've come to the place that I know God has me for right now. I don't know how long this season will last, but I know it's where I am and where He wants me. Why isn't that enough for me? Why do I have this need to be needed? This longing to be sought after? Is it my own pride?

More so, why am I not being sought after? Am I not loving enough? Is my wisdom not valuable? Am I not righteous enough?

It's me. It's me? it.is.me. Not only me - it's satan having power over me. 

I'm not a good enough leader. I'm not a worthy professional. These are lies that I allow satan to place in my thoughts. However, I have some responsibility in this. As much as I would like to blame it all on him, it's also my own weakness allowing him power over certain parts of me - my life. 

While considering my word, constant, I had a list of areas where I knew this word would be relevant. I just didn't think it would hit so close to home - I thought it would work for tasks, ministry, to-do lists - not work in myself. What?

Here's the thing. We're being transparent here. And I'm learning. Always learning. 

I'm mean. My words cut. I can be harsh. Unexpectedly crass. 

I can blame this on many things. But I won't. It's my issue. Here. Now. I need to own it. 

My delivery of one-liners is quick and can hit the deepest nerve in another womans soul. Why do I do this? I want to be dependable, loyal, constant, steadfast, faithful, unswerving in love. Yet, I hurt people. Why? Proverbs 15:1 - A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

I'm sarcastic to the point of pain - of course, I don't realize it at the time... it's only afterwards, when someone has the guts to tell me how I've acted. Confronting me isn't easy. I can be defensive. I can debate and justify with the best of them... why do I do this? 

Ephesians 4:29 - Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

satan. I've given him a foothold in my life. 

I have to learn to find the balance between doormat and aggressive. The ability to be passionate about something, yet honor God and be obedient when it's time to not fight that fight. Proverbs 12:18 - There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

When I see injustices in my friends lives and feel the need to fight for them. It isn't my fight. When I feel like my words are falling on deaf ears, I feel attacked - emotionally and spiritually. I take it personal. It isn't my fight. I'm learning. Always learning.

I've grown. In so many areas, I'm different. Not who I once was. Isn't that what God does in our lives. We have Jesus and we become born-again. We are new creations in Him. Why isn't that enough for me? 

I'm still searching for validation from people. 

I need to be needed. It's the desire of my heart. Yet, my need to be needed is contradicted by my bad behavior. My swift words. My heart that loves too much. My passion for everything to be right, just, true. 

Here I sit - just me and my word, constant. Just me and Jesus. He's loving me enough. He's glad for me and in me. Psalm 19:14 - Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

In Him, I find my peace and joy. The unswerving love to pour out into other people. Into women. Women who need to know His truth and love. Women who want to know Jesus and not by way of my cutting words. 

Ephesians 4:32 - Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

I'm working in this, on this, because of this. A constant work in me is being done. Today. Tomorrow. Always. 

January 14 Joy Dare

January 14 Joy Dare - 3 startling graces of God.

I love this one! =]

When the Holy Spirit guides me down an unexpected path. The are some things we know God calls us to do and then there are things that just *BAM* show up and slap us upside the head... for me, that's sometimes how the Holy Spirit has to work in me. I'm hard headed. =]

His forgiveness. When I mess up, which, let's face it, is often - I know that if I am truly sorry for what I've done, I can just wash it away. It doesn't matter. It's gone. He loves me.

His love. Again, no matter where I go wrong, right, sideways... He's there and He loves me. He never turns from me or gives up on me. Ever. Isn't that refreshing?!

Weekend Joy Dares

The weekend just gets away from us sometimes, doesn't it? It especially gets away from us during NFL playoff games - I'm just sayin... =]

I was hoping to gather a couple photos on Saturday for my Joy Dare, but it didn't happen - life happened. It happens.

January 12 Joy Dare - Something above, below, beside.

The roof above my head! I've had a really difficult couple of years financially and I've been so blessed to have great friends to offer up a wee bit of their home for my son and I to call our own. While I really, really miss having my own home - sharing one with people who love me so much is pretty awesome, too.

My gift below is my footing. I think that even though I still tremble at times and even though I still slip a little, I'm grateful for the firm foundation that Christ has allowed for me. I feel as if my footing is more secure than ever and I can stand firmly on it.

isn't he precious?!

My gift beside (on Saturday) was Tiki... Tiki is my obnoxiously fat cat. On any given evening - he is the first to greet me when I get home, the one who sits beside me while I pine away at the laptop, catch up on some work, or even while I'm in the bathroom. He's been a constant companion to me since I moved to this area in 2004. I love him mucho!



January 13 Joy Dare - 3 things about yourself that you're grateful for.

hmmm... how can I spin this so it looks like it's about me, but it really isn't... Oh!

I have really great taste in friends! I have some of the best friends ever and a really love the support system that God has put around me. =]

I am grateful for my desire to learn. It's almost obsessive. Okay, it probably is obsessive. I think sometimes others may think that I'm being freakishly demanding, but I really just want to know what makes things tick, what makes YOU tick, where does it say that, why did that happen, why did she choose that road and not that one. It isn't judgement, it's curiosity and the desire to know why, how, when, where... don't hate me for asking a gad-zillion questions. It comes from a good place, I promise.

I'm grateful for my path. I do my very best to not have regrets. Sure, there are things I wish I would have done differently, but that doesn't mean I regret those choices. It means that those choices are the ones that led me to this exact place at this exact moment. There may be a whole gang of women that I get to minister to because of those choices. No regrets.

January 11 Joy Dare

**Who knew I had a draft of this just sitting on my blog waiting to be published?!

January 11 Joy Dare - 3 yellow gifts of fresh mercy.

I think the most obvious choice for this is the sunrise. I talk about the beautiful sunrise I get to see each morning and it really is just a reminder to me that each day is new and fresh. It also reminds me that yesterday is gone and mercy awaits me!

Fresh tulips. I'm not a HUGE flower fan, but there are some that I just really like. Tulips in the Spring are one of my favorites. It means a fresh new year of productivity. I like anything fresh and whole - and when flowers start to bloom, it means that gardens will soon be ready to be started and all that bounty will need to be eaten! =]~

A little redundant, I know, but sunsets are also a yellow gift of fresh mercy to me. Similar to the fresh start, the sunset is a reminder that the day is done - rest is near - new mercies are coming! 

Constant - sticky!

So, I was cleaning off my desktop at work and I grabbed up the sticky note with my word. The sticky I wrote about in my original one word post. The one that sat looking at me for days.

I couldn't throw it away.

I know it may just be chicken scratch to you, but it means everything to me right now. To be honest, it was only chicken scratch to me a week ago...

I wrote this post a couple days ago and I thought taking a picture and posting it would give me the freedom to throw it away. However, it's still on my desk. I'm attached.

How's your word coming along?

January 9 Joy Dare

January 9 Joy Dare - a gift held, passed by, sat with.

Don't get bored with this post. Okay, you can do what you want, but I don't want you to get bored. I'm having a mommy moment!!

My son, who just turned 18, has wanted to get a tattoo for a few years now. All of his friends have them - even some of his youngest friends! I told him, waaaaay back when he was 16, that if he waited until he was 18 and didn't tattoo himself, I would pay for his first one.

Here were the stipulations: I had to approve the tattoo and I had to pick the artist. My overall goal was that he didn't go into something half-cocked and end up stuck with something forever that he didn't really think about completely. Also, I wanted to be sure that we went to a quality artist and not some buster trying to make a few dollars, all while taking risks with my kids life!

The very first tattoo he showed me, I fell in love with it! I thought it represented him and his personality and it wasn't something he'd regret in a few years. So, I made the appointment and waited for him to become "legal."

All that to share my gifts for today...

A gift held was the conversation time with my boy. We were in the car for a little while, then got lost, then waiting for the tattoo to be drawn, and all the while we filled the space and time with great conversations. It was memory making in my book!

A gift passed by was the tattoo shop. Like I said, we got lost. We found it. We laughed. It was all great.

A gift sat with was my boy getting his tattoo done! I was able to share a first time experience with my son as a grown man. What a strange, wonderful feeling. I was watching skin that *I* created, in my womb, being marked up by something I didn't play a part in (I know, God was really the Creator of his skin, but I did have a little something to do with it!). It was a weird, beautiful experience. I also was able to be the fly on the wall being part of his grown up conversation, with a grown up man, about grown up things - like tattoos and girls and music. I glimpsed my son with new eyes tonight and I loved every second of it.

Reppin' the "D" and music - his true love. 

Joy Dares are comin atcha!

I have to make up for lost time! I have three days worth of Joy Dares to share. =] Is anyone doing this with me? Am I all alone here? Comon y'all!

January 6 Joy Dare - One thing in your bag, your fridge, your heart.

In my bag is always lotion. Some people may think that's a weird thing to find joy in, but I have an extreme love of lotion and it's always being passed around at church, meetings, etc... because people know I always have it!

In my fridge (on Sunday) was a big supply of chili! I love making chili. I love eating chili! I love making chili for other people to eat! It was a good football, chili kinda day.

In my heart is love. Not a love I understand either. I mean a deep down, overwhelming, well of a place I didn't know existed. It's there that I find joy.

January 7 Joy Dare - Three graces from people I love. 

My dear friend at work asking me if I was okay and sticking around to actually *hear* the answer. 
An untimely, unrehearsed, and completely random jam session with a great couple of people! It made my heart soar!
Snuggle time with my favorite 7 year old.

January 8 Joy Dare - Dusky light, surprising reflection, lovely shadow.

Ugh. I wish I had see this one earlier in the day. I would've loved to snap some pictures!
Dusky light as I was driving home and passed a farmer burning brush on his property.
The surprising reflection was the mini rainbow I saw in the sky as the sun was setting and it wasn't even raining! =]
I don't think I've seen a shadow today! At least not one that I recall. Weird, right?

Not forgotten!

I haven't had time... wait that's not completely true.

I've had time, but I took a detox from electronics day on Sunday (except the TV... NFL Wild Card games were on, man!) and I'm battling strep throat today. It's 9pm and I'm heading to bed. That's when you know I'm unwell. heh.

Anyway, I wanted to let anyone who's reading me in this bloggy world to know that even when we get behind, it doesn't mean we give up! I've still been working on my Roman's Project - though slower than I'd like - and I've been thinking about my Joy Dare's - though I haven't written them yet.

Don't be discouraged if life gets in the way and you get behind, just get back up the next day and make it happen!

See y'all tomorrow!