If I said to you, "do you ever feel Jesus pain?" You'd think I was crazy... I mean who *feels* Jesus pain?
Let's me explain during my 5 minutes for this Friday.
As I grow closer to Christ, my relationship with Him deepens. I have joy overflowing, but I also have sorrow overflowing. The things I see, hear, witness, etc... are heartbreaking. There are things that I can do *nothing* about. We cannot make anyone else understand what the love of a Holy, Omnipotent, Loving Savior feels like. It's an experience that person has to feel all on her own.
As I was driving home yesterday, my heart soft, as it seems to be all the time now... All I could think about is this...
If this feeling, pain, angst, sorrow, undoneness is how *I* feel - how then must Jesus have felt as He walked this earth. How then must God feel every.single.day when we fail Him over and over and over again.
I don't have any answers. No challenges. No words of wisdom for how not to feel this way.
I'm only being transparent.
This is how I feel.
Joyful and sad. Happy and broken. Full of tears in one moment and praising Him all the same.
When I stop feeling this way - I've lost who God has called me to be.
This is right where I'm supposed to be and God will grow me here. Right here.
This is the hard eucharisteo. It makes sense now.